THE FEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES

As anyone who’s spent more than eleven months around The Brick already knows, we’re known for our festivals. The New York Clown Theatre Festival, the Havel Festival and the Baby Jesus One-Act Jubilee are only a few examples of our past prowess as a Live Entertainment Aggregator.

At the center of our season each year, however, is our summer festival, which has explored a different theme each year since 2004’s Hell Festival. Coming up with an exciting, relevant themes is quite a challenge. We’ll be announcing this year’s Summer Festival Theme at Friday night’s opening party for The Granduncle Quadrilogy (doors open at 10pm!); however, we decided we’d like to share with you, our readers, a few of the discarded festival ideas that litter our pathway to glory. If you have any festival ideas of your own that you feel should be relegated to the gutter, please, share them with us!

FAILED FESTIVAL THEMES

• The Phlegm Festival
• The Politeness Festival
• The Vague Sense of Disquiet Festival
• The Slow Leaking Gas Festival
• The Baader-Meinhof Festival
• The Everybody Poops Festival
• The John McCain Festival
• The Festival Conducted Entirely Through Facebook
• The Just Say No To Hemorrhoids Festival (Sponsored by Preparation H)
• The Copyright Infringement Festival
• The Burning Piles of Money Festival
• The Ramen Noodle Festival
• The Lawyers, Guns, and Money Festival
• The Irrelevant-to-Current-Modes-of-Discourse Festival
• A Gertrude Stein Festival Is a Gertrude Stein Festival Is a Gertrude Stein Festival
• The Credit Default Swap Festival
• The Convertible Stock Options Festival
• The Unknownably Complex Financial Instruments Festival
• The Hank-Paulson-Is-Cute Festival
• The Empty Checking Account Festival
• The Running Low on Our Savings Account Too, Unless We Get Some Real Good Press Festival
• The Doing-What-We-Do-All-The-Time-Only-More-of-It-In-Less-Time-So-You'll-Pay-Attention Festival
• The Arts-and-Theatre-Journalists-Don't-Know-Their-Heads-From-Their-Asses Festival
  
• The Oh I Don't Know, Something With Kittens, People Like Kittens, Right? Festival
• The Blowjob Festival (free blowjob with every ticket!)
• The Eviction Festival